all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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