He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
