In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
