Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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