Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
