if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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