Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
