I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
