drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She's the barista slut.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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