yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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