meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
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The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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