I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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