the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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