He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
