Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
