you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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