If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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