it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
