just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
