Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
