Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
