Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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