I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
