I wannas sexs uuuuu
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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