he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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