This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I love you. Go after that dick
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
