Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i came on her dog
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
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