Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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