So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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