if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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