Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
