Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
