We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
