Nicole vs. Life
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
