just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Pooping to opera.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize