There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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