this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
