So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
