my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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