tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
