you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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