I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
