i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
