He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
