If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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