D3 body, D1 cock
My friends, they love my intelligence
I think I won the penis lottery.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
