nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
