I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
