i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
