I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
