Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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