I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
