A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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