ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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