Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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