ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
