God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
