I want to have your abortion
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
