I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
