That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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