I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
