I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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