Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
