Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
