True but thats because hes a fetus.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We need a shit load of segways right now
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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