i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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