that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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