I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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